😌 A memory - ii

 Travelling to college, getting bored so thought of writing something. Well again it's a memory. After completing my masters in 19, my friend and I were planning to go abroad for a PhD . It was something that one should do while in college but due to COVID, I came home and didn't find a good guidance on how to do the required. Although I already applied to a few places but in vain. I don't have a gre or toefl or ielts , because the fees were quite high and I was afraid that I might not waste the money. And also it took a lot of fees to apply in the US where there could be some chances. So I have decided to apply there where there are negligible fees or i started writing to professors. At the same time I was also preparing for the net exam , took online classes but failed to continue because I was intended toward foreign PhD more. Well after two months of classes i completely stopped and started writing to professors. Many professors replied but I don't fulfill their requirements. One day I got some positive response from a professor at wis, Israel. And then starts the drama. I told my friend about it that this prof is asking for my grades and all. I was happy , I shared the grades with him and he said he can think of taking me but he wants to test me first. Ok , I was ready this time. His work was in experimental high energy physics and more computational. Even though I did my masters project in hep but it was completely theoretical ( the topic was ' the unruh effect' which states that an accelerating observer has a different notion of vacuum compared to an inertial observer ) . So, the prof decided to give me an assignment. Ok i found it, saw the problem and guess what , I have no idea what I have to do. But I don't want to ruin this chance and I calm down and try to grasp whatever I can. I didn't share it with anyone as I want to do it all by myself. So I started doing it. It was a computational problem where I have to use a software called ROOT. First time I heard the name . But before that I had to install Linux OS and it was such a headache. I still remember clearly I was not feeling sleepy for 2 days. So in very less time i submitted the solution to whatever I could do. The prof found them partially correct but the correct solution was far from my approach. He gave his ideas , i also put mine. Well it took me , I think 15 days to exactly get a solution he wants to hear. He was happy at the end but was not convinced so he gave the second assignment and this time things were far more harder. I took another 15 days and did not arrive at the correct solution. The prof was also exhausted and finally told me that although I am very hardworking ,there are still some flaws. It was hard to accept but I couldn't do anything. well things didn't end here the prof mail me again after a week saying he is ready to consider me , all i have to do is clear the admission committee interview. Ok another drama or another hope. I was 80% sure I would make it this time. After a month there was going to be an interview and It went not so well. But i thought it was fine. I already told my parents what I was doing and many other relatives also thought I was going to a good institution. That day I emailed the prof about the interview and told him that it went well. I remember exactly when I was going to my cousin's house , We had some plans that night, at the gate I received the professor's response and It says the interviewers were not happy and didn't want him to consider me. I read it and went blank. I got anxious and stressed. I want to isolate myself. I sat at my cousin's house for a min and ran away from there in a panic. I took my scooty and ran towards my house . Well this brief period was exciting and sad as well. I learn a lot , learn ROOT, some particle physics, started working on linux, and these were definitely a great things. So some loses in our life are our greatest win.